Perception

Noun

Singular: perception

Plural: perceptions

perception (plural perceptions)
1. Conscious understanding of something.
2. Vision (ability)
3. Acuity
4. (cognition) That which is detected by the five senses; not necessarily understood (imagine looking through fog, trying to understand if you see a small dog or a cat); also that which is detected within consciousness as a thought, intuition, deduction, etc.

Where were you?

I say to all of her friends who still get to be her friend and a part of her life..."where were you?"

Where were they when the ENTIRE day was spent crafting an 8-page statement to the EEOC while dealing with the emotional ramifications that went along with it for her. Where the fuck were they?!

Where were they when she was so down about everything and had a 45-year birthday coming? I stayed up and planned and had this wonderful surprise for her to lift her spirits and celebrate the woman I was spending the rest of my life with and where the FUCK were they?

What was it all for? I get the shaft...for what?! For standing by and supporting and trying to be there for her? For leaving her alone when she wanted it? For letting her vent when she needed it? For not having any resentment about what she was saying because she was going through some crazy shit? And where the fuck were they?!

Damn! Talk about getting the short end of the stick. I did what I thought was right and get nothing for it. The life I had is over. The family I thought I had is gone. Why? Where did I go wrong?

I guess I should have done what her friends did...worry about my own shit. Worked for them.

Thanks

...for the memories.

Things have been a little hairy for a few months, maybe even four. I know personally how hard it is to deal with a job loss when it isn't your doing and wasn't your fault. She was lucky enough to be able to do something about it. I wasn't and I sure wish I knew enough at that time to have done something. She should be grateful for that.

I stood by while she went through it. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, but I guess it wasn't enough. The thanks I get for being here and being supportive is...she's leaving. I'm not welcome to join her.

First she said she wanted to move out of state. We talked about this before, but plans had changed in the meantime. I think she asked because she knew I wouldn't go for a couple of years. Then the plan was that she would go and a couple of years later, I would join her. I think she was betting on me shooting it down, but I didn't. I didn't want her to leave in the first place, but I sure as hell wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to join her. Well, like I said, I think she wasn't banking on that, so now she is saying we should just split now because she thinks I won't come in 2 years. What the hell?!?!?!?! Where is this coming from? Like I said, she doesn't want me there and this is her way of turning it around to make it look like it's me.

Here's the best part. I knew in my gut what was coming. I knew! I tried confronting her and she wasn't denying it, but not confirming it either. But I knew. I've been down this road before and the signs were unmistakable. What a fool I was. I fell for it; I thought she would tell me. I kept on like we were together, but in her head we weren't. What an ass I made of myself! God! I feel so foolish! I had just sent her a "special story" yesterday morning because my head was telling my gut that I was wrong, but I knew! Wow! What did I do? How do I not get a say in this?

I think she's secretly enjoying the torture. Why else would you do that to someone? Why?!?!?! I don't know what to do. This is insanity in the worst form. I've done this before and I don't want to do it again and I have no choice in the matter.

Why does everyone leave?