IRONY

I've tried with her, but it seems that I'll never make her happy. No matter what I do for him, he'll never be happy as long as I'm with her. So he says. She blames me, he blames me. I just want to be invisible so bad.

They talked. I thought it was a good talk, but in the end, it didn't matter. It never does. We have spent 6 1/2 years trying to "fix" things. Why should we have to? Why does something always have to be fixed? Why when things are going okay, why does there have to be some melodrama? Is it a balance thing? Is "things going well" too uncomfortable?

Sometimes I think she is too much like her Dad. Nobody could ever do right by him either. It didn't matter how hard they tried, it was never good enough. The irony is that he adopted her; they're not biologically related. And the cycle continues on.

The "throwing it in your face" continues. The "bringing up the past". I don't want to hurt her; I just want to do what's right, but what may be right may not be pleasant for any of us.

I think she sees the money as a way out for her so that she can leave and be a little less angry about it. I don't know. It's weird that just a few weeks ago, she was so concerned about me leaving, but it wasn't what I wanted. Maybe now, more than ever, she wishes that I did want to leave. More IRONY.

Weird. I think of all of them, I make her son happy. I leave him be, like I think he wants. I try not to hassle him, even when she thinks I should. I think he's okay with that. I don't think he has the greatest amount of respect for me, but I still think we're okay. I think. Ironic.